Why Healing Your Relationships Will Heal Your Overeating
Even if you figure out how and what to eat in ways that best support your individual body, and even if you learn how to better nurture yourself physically, you won’t be out of the woods around out-of-control eating…yet.
Because most of the binges or emotional distress and energy that gets expended around any kind of disordered eating has to do with how you navigate relationships. How safe and secure you feel with other people, knowing how to express yourself comfortably, knowing how to set boundaries that serve you, knowing how to hold yourself in relation to all of the people in all of the places in your life.. well that is where you usually need some shoring up.
My clients come to me for support when they know they can’t manage the feelings of self-loathing around their bodies anymore. They come because they feel like they don’t know how to take care of themselves around food or how to nourish themselves in ways that feel balanced and sane.
And yet underneath the body-as-battlefield is always always the struggle around relationship dynamics. How to find ways to comfortably get your needs met. How to ask for what you want and say no to what you don’t. And doing all of this without the crushing shame or guilt or self-doubt that so often accompanies these negotiations. Or without blowing up.. or without retreating into isolation while trying not to need any others in your life. While trying not to invest too much in a relationship so that you won’t be hurt or disappointed.
Instead of learning these skills and feeling all of the vulnerability and pain that not knowing how to manage relationship dynamics in fully adult empowered ways.. people turn to addictive patterns. Trying to numb out and block out the sense of helplessness or anger or self-loathing that gets stirred up in simple daily life.
When somebody comes in with any form of disordered eating that is causing them pain, of course we look at those pieces. But the real work tends to be around these relationship tracks that were never laid down well enough that somebody feels emotionally safe in the world.
People tend to use food and overeating or binges in response to feelings that feel unmanageable. And learning both to self-soothe in ways that don’t add to the hurt, plus learn ways of being in connection with other people in more balanced skilled ways is part of the ways we create freedom together.
If you’re interested in how this all might work for you.. set up a complimentary consult with me.. what I call the “Illumination Round”.. about 20 minutes by phone, just you+me.. equals a little bit of clarity and vision for what might be right for you.
With love from my heart to yours..