I’ve been paying a lot of attention to my own fears. The ways I talk to myself, how that gets hardened into beliefs which then don’t feel so great in my body. How quickly that talk and those words and beliefs become real, become true and then how much they have the power to block everything else that could be flowing its way to me instead. The last couple of years some fear-memories became more habituated than I’d realized, more automatic and embedded. I have needed to notice and create space in new and old ways. To feel my way back to center and to myself. And because I am a recovering perfectionist I can’t help but notice that doing so also feeds the part of me that wants to ‘get things done’ too.
It’s amazing what I am willing to tell myself sometimes, even more what I am willing to believe, when fear creeps in. Which it does all the time. About all sorts of things. It’s our nature. The left brain part of us that needs to figure it all out, and old reptile brain that lives in survival-mode, our own fear-memories. What a paralyzing mess.
And at this time of year, the beginning of a new year, when we often experience a sense of fresh expanse ahead of us, the changes we want to experience are mostly driven by fear.
We want to fix something. We are afraid of what will happen if we don’t.
We use language like “have to”, “should”, time to”… whatever. But you feel the pressure. Maybe some shame. The impetus for change is not coming from inspiration, which never bodes well, this I know for sure.
What if you said something like:
“I don’t want to do it this way” or ” I want to feel this way and I want to find a way so that I can feel this way” and you then made room to let that come. Not by strong-arming yourself, but by coming into each small moment, into the present, and finding a small tiny action of something that feels good. Just something that you like, that you enjoy. Something that lets you hang out in your creative right-brain, receptive, and open and allowing yourself to be absorbed in something tiny for that moment that interests you. By allowing yourself to do something that has nothing at all to do with the fixing of this flaw or that habit…
Can you feel a protest bubbling up in your throat as you read this? I am betting yes. More “but” more “I have to or else”… we are so trained by fear and not-good enough. But we know they don’t let us travel far.
So maybe in this new year.. in this fresh new energy of a new year, try a moment here and there of dropping into an experience of something that you like and letting yourself enjoy it.
Maybe for just one day, pull your attention away from the “have to” part of yourself, that kind of chatter (and we all have it, hello perfectionism, hello unhealthy striving that leaves us usually worse off 🙁
Start to find little moments of doing things the way you like to do them. Sometimes we have lost the thread of that, don’t even remember what that looks and feels like. It’s time to find your way back, in small precious moments. When they begin to form a little stream of energy, things begin to shift in interesting ways.
What can you do just because.. for no reason.
I have been playing with colored pencils and a very small sketchbook to give my right brain a place to open and receive. It’s been a good thing. I am trying to waste more time.. do things that are meaningless and silly.
I am trying to break free. I am trying not to write “because I have to”… but that was what wanted to be written.
So on this first day of a new year, do something for no reason. Watch your attention as it tries to make you do things you don’t want to. Remind yourself that there is another way to pay attention to yourself, other paradigms to try out, other ways to talk to yourself and find inspiration. One tiny moment for it’s own sake at a time. Do it because it feels good right now. Stay out of the future and take care of the right-now… and see what happens.
And- two things I am VERY excited about for 2014!
I have new calling hours, “Open Door Mondays”- NO charge, open to anyone! (Our first one is Monday January 13th at 3 pm Eastern) One Monday each month (second Monday of the month) we will gather on a free teleconference line, you just dial the number and the code and we are together, to talk about all sorts of things, to ask questions, for me to take you through very relaxing Guided Visualization/Meditations.. all good things. Info on my website!
And… The Knowing Beauty Sessions- You and I for 90-minutes, where we get very clear about what’s changing…intuitive, clarifying and quickly taking you from not-sure to trusting what stays, what might need to go, and how to create the changes that will change everything.. beautifully and in ways that are just-right for you. Book your session and you’ll get the “Hidden Beauty Questionnaire” to begin to create something new and beautiful now.
I am very excited about the coming year and look forward to more opportunities to be together!!
With love from my heart to yours…