Being Overweight and The Fear of Being Truly Seen

by Lisa on May 16, 2012

Being Overweight and The Fear of Being Truly SeenOne of my very favorite clients came back to do a focused piece of work with me recently. She came to see me when she was very young, in her early 20′s and happily for me she comes back now and then.

Because she no longer lives locally, when we meet now, it is via Skype.. still a great medium, lots of connection and lots of face to face connection. This girl has a face I dearly love. To be honest, I find her very beautiful. That is what I see when I look at her, pure beauty. She is truly radiant.

But boy is that not what SHE sees when she reflects on her image in the mirror or anywhere else. She sees weight, she sees an overweight girl that doesn’t belong. That always has to apologize for taking up space. A young woman that is different and is therefore undeserving.

Being seen for her is a very mixed bag. She fears that all people see when they look at her is the extra weight.. and her shame at not being able to make it different. Being seen feels like being judged. Being seen is being made vulnerable to all of the ways in which she feels not-good-enough and so she’s absolutely sure that others see the same, in excruciating detail.

And yet she, and all of us, crave being seen. For who we truly are. For the beauty and brightness that lives inside of us when we feel safe enough and loved enough and at ease enough in our own skin to shine that out-wards. When our hearts light up enough that all of the exquisite pieces of our selves come pouring out.

We all know that moment, when we are with somebody who is being so much themselves, with such ease and happiness, that they are a pleasure to be with. We want to be close to their bright light. We don’t give a damn about what size jeans they wear, or how fashionable they are, or if they have perfect hair. We just love the feel of them. It’s visceral… energetic.

Life loves life.

I adore embodiment. I know it when I feel it and when I see it. When you become so much yourself, are so present in the ways that are exactly yours and allow yourself to be fully seen, even in your vulnerability.. oh how I love you (and me) in those moments.

One of my favorite and in some ways most urgent things that I try to impart to my clients, is the joy of becoming fully embodied. In their unique imperfect bodies. To channel the sparkle and the pleasure and the ways that they know how to move love and light and life through their words and laughs and movements and eyes and all of it…Helping them find that beauty that is all theirs.. and letting it barrel out in whatever way feels just-right. To be seen, to take up some space.

Because one thing I know for sure (sorry Oprah) is that when people magnetize other people in friendships or as lovers or even in the checkout line at the supermarket.. it is not because they live in perfect bodies (usually). It is because they are drawing in the other with their true hearts and special blend of something and because that special something is coming from a true true place. It’s irresistible when you become who you are. When you learn to live in that very body. Laugh that unique laugh. Speak those unique thoughts and opinions. Feel and experience yourself and others in real and unmasked ways.

My gift is that I can always see the beauty of my gorgeous clients. And if I can see them, I can help them see themselves and learn to come back to their bodies and live there in ways that are sensual and fun and peaceful and right.

With love from my heart to yours..

 

 

PS.. If you want me to help you come out of hiding, step into that beautiful place of embodiment, we can absolutely do that.. It’s easy. Just contact me to set up an Illumination Round.. a 20-minute phone consult where you and I will see if you are a good fit for this work and I will give you some immediate feedback that will be immediately useful. Just email me at Lisa at IntuitiveBody dot com and we’ll set it up.

{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }

Nona Jordan | the Business Yogini May 16, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Lisa, I love this so much. I am definitely on a journey to full embodiment. And I can often touch that place now, which feels like such a gift. Thank you for articulating this – it’s such an important piece of living well. xoxo

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Lisa May 16, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Nona.. your opinion means a lot to me, so glad, thank you. Full embodiment can be yours, I suspect you are close. And given what you do and what a way-shower you are, it’s essential for you especially.
Love to you,
Lisa

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Nikki May 16, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Lisa, so beautifully articulated (and you have a gorgeous website, btw!)

I have battled with my insecurities my whole life. I’m in a much better place now than I used to be, but negative thoughts patterns like to show up once in a while.

You’re absolutely right in what you say about people who have the allure, that magnetism, that is nothing to do with how they look, but that comes from a sense of peace and confidence in themselves. That comes from deep within.

That’s where I want to be.

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Lisa May 16, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Hi Nikki.. thank you and thank you (so much!!). Who hasn’t battled with insecurities and negative thoughts..we all know what it’s like and we can all learn to truly see each other in new more wholesome ways..beautiful loving mirrors for each other..So happy to see you here.
Love and blessings..Lisa

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Bri Saussy May 16, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Yes, yes, and yes! I especially like how you have connected the universal need for being witnessed+seen to embodiment, Lisa. That resonates strongly for me!

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Lisa May 16, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Hi Bri.. love the triple yes..The need to be seen (and heard) is very much on my mind lately and am wanting to write more about it..
Love to you Magical One..
Lisa

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Patty Tanji May 16, 2012 at 4:43 pm

thanks Lisa. I love this. Talk about our obsession from the outside — in. Unique, imperfect bodies. I would argue that all bodies are perfect. Its our definition that messed up. Beautiful. Here’s to full embodiment.

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Lisa May 16, 2012 at 5:16 pm

I love that Patty..our bodies are perfect it’s just the definition.. What if everyone believed that.. how different our lives and world would be.. mind-blowing.

Love and blessings,
Lisa

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Teresa May 16, 2012 at 5:34 pm

We all feel naked and undone when we let ourselves be truly seen. It takes awhile to get used to others letting us know they like us this way. Thank you for the work you do to help women get there.
Hugs and butterflies,
~Teresa~

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Lisa May 16, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Thanks Teresa..sometimes naked and undone.. but maybe sometimes relieved and lighter at being seen?
Love to you.. Lisa

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Leah Shapiro May 16, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Lisa…how much I love what your doing, sharing, being here!!
You are speaking a truth that resonates so deeply for me. You are also giving me another perspective on what it means to embody who you are.

This part of being seen as “too big” & feeling like you take up too much space- when I look inside I see that in me. Luckily I don’t let it rule me, and I r have been shifting more and more into a space of being able to see myself as beautiful…seeing the brilliance other people see. Doing the Video Rock Star class really helped with that.

You are doing powerful work in the world!

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Lisa May 16, 2012 at 7:31 pm

Hi Leah.. I totally get the “too big” thing.. I think it goes with the territory for women who start to sense themselves as being powerful, or others who sense them being powerful and it gets translated as too big, too much, too something.. taking up too much space and too big for britches kinds of judgments that cause so much suffering and that shape how we feel for lifetimes sometimes. Love seeing YOU emerge.. being seen and being embodied is part of your groove .. love that.

Love,
lisa

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Jessica May 17, 2012 at 6:27 am

I love how you’ve put this feeling into words, Lisa. You’re so right – when someone is truly being her/himSELF, it makes everyone around shine. It’s making me take a closer look at whether I’m being self-y — or am I closing that off to the detriment of my family and friends? I’ll be giving this some serious thought now….

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Lisa May 17, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Jessica.. laughing at “self-y”.. but you’re right.. when we shut down around fears of being seen everyone misses out, good point..
love to you.. Lisa

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Michelle May 17, 2012 at 2:51 pm

I love this Lisa! And you’re so right – the people that are truly magnetic, aren’t necessarily conventionally attractive – they’re just utterly confident in themselves and their body. Great reminder. Thank you for doing such amazing work!

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Lisa May 17, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Michelle.. thank YOU.. so appreciate being “seen”and heard.. love to you, Lisa

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amy zellmer May 18, 2012 at 10:47 am

Beautiful! I am overweight and realize it. I am still proud of my body and embrace it. I am told all the time that I ooze with sexiness and self-confidence. People will see what you let them see. If you hide behind your body, people won’t see the real you!! Be proud of who you are no matter your age, shape, or size!!!

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Lisa May 24, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Amy I love this..loving your body no matter what is not easy in our culture but the alternative ain’t pretty. We have to start with love.. it’s crazy not to.. Totally agree that people will see what we put out there.. We have a right to feel beautiful in our bodies at every size. xox Lisa

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Michelle Pippin May 18, 2012 at 10:56 am

Such an amazing piece and truly indicative of your TRUE work with women.. to coax them out of hiding… celebrating each step, while nurturing the next! Love it!

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Debra May 25, 2012 at 11:42 am

Lisa, you spoke directly to my heart. Thank you.

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Lisa May 25, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Debra..so glad..i was speaking directly from mine xox Lisa

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